Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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