Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
