I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
