i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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