It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
