problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
