Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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