right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
