At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
