Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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