I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
