bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
COCAINE IS GR8
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