***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
