Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
