I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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