oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
