another moral hangover. fuck.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
