Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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