You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
