I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
