talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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