If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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