I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
