The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
