I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
