Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
