I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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