Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
