i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
