I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
