So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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