This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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