you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
