He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i out mim tonsoeep
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