It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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