SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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