Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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