I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
