Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
