....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
