I'm gonna have a badass scar
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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