I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
