It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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