I hate all girls vehemently.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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