I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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