First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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