I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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