Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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