By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
