im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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